On Jay-z’s 2006 release of Kingdome Come, there’s a track entitled “30 Something”.  Jay-z repeatedly says “30’s the new 20…” throughout the song as he contrast  the foolish activities & behavior of an average 20 year old guy in comparison to a seasoned 30+ gentlemen. In addition Jay-Z boasts about how he’d already attained the material things at 20 that most hustlers aspire to at 30. Although he doesn’t specifically refer to the general population in the song. It got me to thinking.. “Is the 30 really the new 20?”

Someone’s age is usually used as gage to determine someone’s maturity level, experience, and assumed level of achievement. Back in the late eighties to early nineties as a female you were expected to be married with kids and a dog by the age of 25. And the same for men. But as we moved towards the 21st century we all witnessed an extreme alteration in the mentality of up and coming teens & adults. No longer were high school graduates settling for a high school diploma and a descent paying job. We now were equipped with big goals and starry eyes.. Ready to see and conquer the world around us. Post graduate degrees would allow us to continue a college lifestyle. Empowered women were now focusing on the corporate ladder and breaking through glass ceilings. Life no longer seemed so boxed, we weren’t being rushed to fit into America’s predetermined story line. You were at liberty to grab life by the horns or just dibble and dabble in different professions or hobbies until you “found” yourself.

Lets rewind a bit. The time period: Circa 1965. Women were often depicted in aprons and rollers standing over stoves or vacuuming. Men in suits or blue collar uniforms. And children are being groomed for secondary education or junior college in better scenarios. The family unit served as motivation for day-to-day duties, personal desires took a backseat to the greater good of “family”. We as a country were post-war and pre-70’s. As we moved into the seventies, this proved to be a liberating time for Americans as a whole. Forward movement, piece, and love were the main things on our agendas. Women were now exposing their midriffs and men were wearing shoulder length hair or overgrown afros. Rebellion was among us in a major way. Now drifting into the eighties we were at a transitional point where we realized the potential and power we possessed as individuals, but it was up to each of us to decide what to do with all that liberation and power. The world was a different place… assumed morals & values were now a thing of the past. We all know what happened in the nineties *pause*, the only thing I can appreciate from that time period, would be the music, and that’s only in the first half. Now in the 21st century we as human beings are attempting to mirror the advancement of technology. No longer confined to the elite and rich. With the right mentality and drive you are empowered to create your own destiny and the path that will undoubtedly get you there.

With that being said we are now placing value on the quality of our individual lives, our levels of knowledge, and the diversity of our experiences. The select few of Generation X, have claimed  the right to enrich our lives with as much as possible and start families when we feel we are ready. No longer bound to follow in our parent’s footsteps and carry out the wishes of our predecessors. The transition from ME to WE has undoubtedly shifted from 20 something to 30 something.

Many conversations have taken place in reference to this notion. We are all left to form our own opinions. But with a closer look at the timeline of mental and cultural progression, Jay-z may have had it right….

Maybe 30 is the new 20!

I can recall being about 12 or 13 years old & being mesmerized by the brown skinned girl with long, flowing hair and killer abs, one-third of the multi platinum selling group, TLC. This beautiful young lady came to be known as Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas. Songs like “Creep” had us swinging our arms and moving our legs letting you know the honey was up for grabs if you weren’t “handling yours“. “No Scrubs” let all the dudes know mediocre game and shotgun riding would get you no play. And the ultra sexy “Red Light Special” oozed sex with sultry lyrics that would seduce any man within earshot.

This and many more tracks that came from the dynamic trio empowered millions of women with confidence, gave a course in trash talking, and let us know it was ok to claim your sexual identity. Their home girl attitudes and easy-going persona only added to the allure of their music.

Fast forward about 15 years later. We are now being introduced to “Chilli” in an entirely different light. 51 Minds Ent., the same company that brought us shows like “I love NY” and “Flavor of Love” has now presented us with “What Chilli Wants”.  The concept seemed simple enough, I, like most viewers, assumed this would be just another dating show that came up with creative and varying processes on how to eliminate the daters until it came down to the usually obvious choice. If for no other reason, we tuned in just to see what would happen. Chilli is also accompanied by Tionna Smalls, who serves as her dating coach, and also the person to screen perspective dates for Chilli. I, along with thousands of other viewers came to realize this wasn’t the typical story line nor was Chilli an average female. With seemingly ridiculous requirements like, “He cannot eat pork”, “He cannot drink alcohol”, “He has to be packing”, & “He needs to have a 6-pack”, the audience was left to wonder if Tionna would ever find this phantom guy. As the episodes continued to air many viewers decided to stop watching, they felt Chilli was ridiculous and so was the idea she had of her ideal man. Personally, I was intrigued by her thought process and continued to watch for the sake of understanding, well as much as the show could really provide.

Tionna often served as the voice of reason, reminding Chilli of how insane some of her demands were. At times she, herself felt as if there was no hope for this “picky” woman. Being the analytical person that I am, this caused me to really ponder the entire situation instead of just turning my nose up and judging Chilli like the rest of world seemed to be doing. One thing’s for sure, Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas definitely knows what she wants. Most women are ridiculed for NOT know what it is they desire in a partner. I believe she deserves credit for that much. But is it even realistic or fair to ask someone to meet such qualifications entirely? I am a considerably huge advocate for women not settling for anything less than their heart desires. But maybe when we consider the aspiration, there’s a subconscious disclaimer that reads “within reason”. In contrast, who are we do tell someone to limit themselves to the “status quo” mate and accept that as ok?

In most of our professional and personal lives, we believe without doubt that whatever bar we set for ourselves, can be reached with hard work and dedication. Why can’t we apply this same mentality to dating and relationships? Is it that we are afraid that our male/female counterparts wont live up to our expressed desires or are have we all just become comfortable with settling? Society has conditioned us to believe mediocre and above average is acceptable and possibly even something to applaud.

Minimalism normally describes movements in various forms of art and design, especially visual art and music, where the work is stripped down to its most fundamental features. It may be safe to say minimalism now describes our expectations when it comes to matters of the heart. This may serve as a testament of our perceived self-worth and value as one half of a designed union. We are no motivated to “wow” each other mentally and emotionally due to the fear of someone expecting the same from us.

I challenge all you to ponder these ideas and decide… Does Chilli want too much or are we settling for too little?